A Forlorn Hope

The shittiest of jobs, the damndest of luck part 2

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…Up up up through that grimy chute of poop he went. At one point, he got stuck, and that was nearly the end of Eddie Woodcrest. Choked on poop is certainly not the way he would have elected to go out of this world, but that was almost his fate. In fact, had he not somehow been able to kick off his boots, catch them with one foot, dig in his toes and push himself up just high enough to grab the ledge of the toilet hole, he would have drowned in the slimy result of other people’s diet. Once inside, he moves about the place like swamp thing, but you know, instead of algae and mud, its excrement and….more excrement. The guards are keen eared in this house, but seem to lack olfactory sensation as they can’t seem to smell the walking poop-thing meandering about the house. Eddie’s best friends with luck, and some suspect foul play, even bribes, for he climbs up a wall and hides in the ceiling as the guards pass. Amazingly they neither see him, nor the brown trail leading up to his hiding place, nor smell him, though it is likely as they pass they were bereaved of eyebrows. But eventually they hear him and give chase. Eddie flees for his life down into the depths of the manor, dodging traps and preforming daring diving feats of agility as would befit an action movie. He nearly meets his sticky end as the wall in front of him launches forward, a trap to crush would-be thieves. Behind that wall were poisoned spikes, and Eddie somersaults through them to safety. At last, he comes to a locked door, and the sound of the guards getting closer though slowed as they reset the wall trap. Eddie tries to pick the lock, but adrenaline makes his hands too shaky, and he finally gives up and forces the door open. Once inside he is greeted with a massive room of treasure, with strange magically lit faces on the walls, and a pedestal with a strange egg on a soft pillow in the middle. Eddie leaps into the pedestal nimbly, and removes the egg. Hissing sounds ensue. Thick, acrid, blue smoke begins to rise from the floor. Eddie grabs as much silver as he can carry (turns out to be a bag of silverware) and stands on top of the pedestal, as the blue smoke rises to consume him. He hears the guards outside the door, “Whoever it is, they’re dead now, CAREFUL! don’t let that stuff touch you. There may be some bones later, let’s go” Eddie’s fate was sealed. Or was it? With no where to go, he pulls out a ring and POOF!

Charlie is surprised to see Eddie Woodcrest standing in his room, with a bag of silver in one hand, a griffin egg in the other, covered head to toe in filth. “Well DONE Eddie Woodcrest!” He exclaims, and promptly gets Eddie bathed and perfumed and cleaned up. Eddie returns to the party smelling of a very expensive bath, carrying a bulging bag of silver, and wearing a grin as wide as Faerun itself. At the gates of Tilverton, Darella gets her wolf, whom she names Tantra. And so the crows go northbound to the city of Ashabenford and then to Hillsfar. Stay tuned.

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Angrybob Balastrof

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